Five Habits You Really Should Have Gotten Over By Third Grade
- Picking your nose
- Pulling the cat’s tail
- Eating paste
- Not stepping on sidewalk cracks
- Yelling “Eew! Cooties!” when someone of the opposite sex touches you
Five Body Parts That Get Taken For Granted
- Elbow
- Spleen
- Fibula
- Larynx
- Eyelids
Five Springtime Retreats
- Cabin up north
- Pepe’s Pudding World Theme Park & Resort
- Chic spa in New Mexico
- Kyrgyzstan, before law and order sets back in
- Bathroom, with a bag of Doritos and two liters of Mr. Pibb
Five Actual Names
- Sadie Sweets
- Jason Manygoats
- Bunty Pike
- Candy Royal
- Quincy Seaberry
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