Circle of Life
Scrubbing is hard. Especially in winter, when the floors are cold. But I am not complaining. God has a plan for everything — the floor must be cleaned, and I must clean the floor. Circle of life. Sure, it would be easier to clean the floor if God hadn’t seen fit to take my hands in that freak floorwashing incident oh so many years ago. But I am not complaining. If I had not lost my hands, the pathologist would have had nothing to do that day. And a bored pathologist is a dangerous pathologist. So it’s definitely for the best — by losing my hands, I probably saved someone else from a crazed pathologist. Circle of life. Sure, children pass me on the street and they ask “Mommy, what’s wrong with that terrible man’s hands?” And it would be nice to be able to go out to a restaurant and pick up a fork for once without using both nubs, and yes, my dream was to be a pilot, and no, you can’t be a pilot without hands, even prosthetic hands — believe me, I’ve asked. But no biggie. Circle of life. There’s a reason I’m here scrubbing the cold-ass floor until my nubs chap. A good reason. A very very good reason. Of course, I can’t expect answers. I mean, a God who would see fit to take a humble floorscrubber’s hands would probably not want to hang around to explain Himself, right? Because I would seriously have whacked a God like that with my bloody nonhands until His chin came to understand the way my wrists feel. So, no joke, it’s absolutely for the best that I don’t know why I was maimed thus. I mean, it gives me time to think it over for myself — find the real meaning in my constant, daily, crippling pain — because you can’t stop the thoughts if you can’t kill yourself, and I seriously can’t figure out any effective way to do that. But I guess that frees up the knives or pills or whatever for folks who need them more. And frees me up to scrub this cold-ass floor. Circle of life.
Michael Barker has the use of his limbs, for now. He lives, writes and improvises in Chicago. Send your bleeding heart to him at michael@professoryeti.com.
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