Maybe it’s the Aquaman Costume
People stop me on the street. They do. They stop me on the street all the time. Actually this is not entirely true. I should be more accurate. I should rephrase. The actions of people on the street often cause me to stop. I will give an example. Once, not so very long ago, I was walking down the street. The street was Hennepin Ave. A street located in my very own city. Cars go down this street every day. One of the cars had a person hanging out of it. I am not making this stuff up. Car, fast, person hanging out of it.
As he passed me he shouted out, for all the world to hear, that I had “no flava.” Me. Is it that obvious? You’d tell me right? There would have been an intervention of some sort. I mean, I don’t go around sporting gobsmacks of bling. I don’t have a low rider, or an SUV. But I always thought I carried myself down the street with a certain panache. Sure, that panache involved refusing to make eye contact with other people. But I’ve always been a believer that everyone has a style, a flavor, of their own. Needless to say I was terrified to learn that I might not have any.
Maybe I’m just being paranoid. After all, that guy who walked past me in the alley the other day told me I had a great swagger. Actually, now that I think about it, there is a bigger question here. Why are all these people fucking talking to me? I’m not doing anything to them. Why is it I can’t walk down the street without someone commenting on what I’m doing? They’re always saying things like “Nice shirt.” Some of them have pointed. One even burst out laughing at me. All I was doing was walking down the street eating a loaf of focaccia and she laughed at me.
I feel like I’m in grade school again in this city. People go to large cities to disappear. The problem is that the Twin Cities have such a small town attitude. People don’t mind their own business like they would in a place like New York — hell, you can knife a man there, and no one will even stop walking down the street. At least, that’s what I hear.
Seriously people. I know it must be hard, but you’re going to have to pull yourselves together. I’m asking that you please start ignoring me.
Ian Macleod lives and writes in Minneapolis.
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