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I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but duct tape is the sort of thing that makes the local news under the can-you-believe-what-they-did-with-duct-tape category, that finds its way into the repertoire of any self-styled stand-up comedian, and that never fails to appear in an out-of-the-way drawer in the garage of your very own home. It’s at once a piece of tape and a transcendent bit of suburban Americana.
And the myths about it, the jokes, most of them are true. For example, the child’s mistake of calling it “duck” tape is in fact an accurate malapropism. It once was called “duck” tape. It was invented for the U.S. military during World War II in order to keep water out of ammunition cases and the soldiers referred to it as “duck” tape because it was waterproof. It was only after the war was over (and after the soldiers had discovered that the tape had many, many uses) that the tape was used to seal heating and air conditioning ducts, and so the name got changed (along with the color of the tape from camouflage to silver) and it became associated with building rather than war.
In the seventies, duct tape became shrink-wrapped (and thus stackable on store shelves — before it would just stick to other rolls of duct tape and was not sold in retail stores), allowing duct tape to make its way into the home as a common, inexpensive product that the layperson could easily use. It was during this era (and continuing today) that the tape achieved its superhero status, one that seems to grow, rather than diminish, with time.
And in many ways, the superhero status is deserved: the product is sound (and extraordinarily versatile) and it’s difficult to argue otherwise, especially if you listen to Jim and Tim, “The Duct Tape Guys”1: “While there are stronger tapes (like filament tape), duct tape, when doubled over onto itself can pull a 2000 lb. car out of a ditch, and has the distinct benefit of not requiring any other tools to cut it — you just rip it with your bare hands.” Just another example of why it’s a good, amazingly useful product — that much is clear. But the hype of duct tape is more than just the ordinary hype of a good product: other things such as Scotch tape work well too — as do Teflon pans, Cutco knives, and cotton-knit t-shirts — all sorts of things. And yet those things don’t have a widespread, enduring mythos about them — they’ve not captured the imagination of popular American culture nearly as well as duct tape has. To give one example of duct tape’s cultural penetration, on Garrison Keillor’s radio show A Prairie Home Companion there are ongoing faux commercials (supposedly funded by The American Duct Tape Council) that run homily-jingles such as “Duct tape is more than a miracle adhesive; it’s a balm for the soul of the unprepared and the inept.” These faux ads are one of the most popular bits on the show — a show that caters to an audience of the tasteful, elderly, and educated. But duct tape as a form of curiosity is not limited to any such demographic: the website Duct Tape Headline News features tabloid-esque (though one-hundred-percent true) headlines such as “Man binds bear wounds with Duct Tape,” “Judge orders Defendant’s Mouth Duct Taped Shut,” and “Man Arrested in Washington DC for Wearing Duct Tape.” It’s fairly mindless, silly entertainment that seems aimed at the young-to-middle-aged, somewhat educated, computer-savvy-and-bored demographic. But, like the aforementioned skits on A Prairie Home Companion, duct tape is the key — the ingredient that makes the site entertaining. And while duct tape may be great, fantastic, and wonderful, one has to wonder: Where does one draw the line between hype, obsession, and legitimate interest? Why duct tape, and why so much discussion about it? Does it really live up to all its hype? Can it really do anything?
In some ways it seems that it can — at least, during the course of my research, duct tape proved itself as legitimately amazing more times than not, and this makes me think that probably all the hype is deserved. For example, duct tape can effectively remove warts — seemingly an urban myth, but in fact, not. As Karl E. Miller, M.D., explains in his article for the Journal of American Family Physicians: “In patients treated with duct tape, 85 percent of the warts completely resolved, compared with 60 percent in the cryotherapy group. These results were statistically significant. . . . The authors conclude that duct tape occlusive therapy is more effective than cryotherapy in the treatment of common warts. They also state that duct tape therapy is less expensive and has fewer adverse effects than cryotherapy.” An astonishing conclusion, not just because tape is apparently more effective than medicine, but because it happens to be duct tape that does the trick, the tape that everyone already says is really ridiculously strong and oh-so-convenient for oh-so-many taping jobs.
Though, notably, for all the greatness of the product, and all the praise it receives, duct tape does not have a cult following — it has a widespread fan base, fans who acknowledge its usefulness, get a few chuckles out of it, and move on with their lives. This is telling because I think part of the reason duct tape is so beloved is because it’s not used on a daily basis. Take other inventions of the previous century: the car, the television, CD players, etc. These are things people use so regularly that nobody bother to remark upon what a great invention they are, how much people like them, or how useful they are. They’re too much a part of everyday life — it would be like remarking upon what a miracle lungs are since they allow us to breathe.
But duct tape, it’s something that you can go months without thinking about it and then — all of a sudden — it’s needed. So you find it, it does the job, and then it goes back into the drawer in the garage. It requires no maintenance, it’s practical and, because it’s so unobtrusive, it never gets discussed in daily conversation. Except, of course, when it does something amazing (like bind bear wounds). And this is why it’s still praised so enthusiastically, over sixty years after its invention: no matter how much you forget about duct tape when you don’t need it, when you ask it to do something, it still does the trick, and, by virtue of this, it’s achieved a superhero status. It’s worshiped as the lazy person’s icon, as a symbol of the work ethic of the half-assed. It’s that forgotten saving grace that comes through when nothing else will — it’s the sort of thing you can love almost because it demands no love or affection.
And so, in a bizarre way, praise directed at duct tape also seems to be an evaluation of the self, an admission of one’s flaws, one’s helplessness and failures. As Garrison Keillor says, “it’s a balm for the soul of the unprepared and the inept,” and this statement gets to the heart of it — by praising duct tape we’re saying we’re not perfect, we don’t know how to fix everything and we can’t even pretend to try. But we know that someway, somehow, something will take care of our problems — though we’re bumblers and sinners, there’s a safety net, there’s a respite, and in some cases, it just so happens that that safety net is duct tape.
Alex Starace (alex@professoryeti.com) lives and writes in Minneapolis.
1. Yes, indeed, two men make their living talking about duct tape. Here’s a blurb from their website to give you an idea: “Jim and Tim — The Duct Tape Guys have written seven books about duct tape (since 1994) and have compiled the popular 365 Days of Duct Tape Page-a-Day(r) calendars (since 1996). They also tour the world evangelizing ‘The Gospel of Duct Tape’ presenting their patented brand of wacky and bizarrely creative Duct Tape Stand-Up Comedy.”
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