Professors Aren’t The Only Ones Who Perform Repetitive Tasks
Dear Professor Yeti, I make fifteen million dollars a year, but I’m still not happy. What do you suggest? Sincerely, Bob Johnson, Cape Canaveral, Florida
Dear Bob,
Have you had a mid-life crisis yet? Are you old enough for it? I’d advise you begin by having one of those. Also, have you considered that now that you’ve made fifteen million dollars in a year, that you can stop — time to start spending and stop earning. Even if you blow $300,000 dollars a year just goofing off, you should be fine for quite a while (45 years or so), assuming you’ve “only” saved fifteen million in the course of your entire life. (I’m working under the assumption that your annual income has been in the millions for quite some time, so that you’ve had ample opportunity to save.)
Other things to consider: Are you married? Are you happy with it? Do you like your job? Do you like the city you live in? Do you enjoy the company of your friends? These are all possible causes to your unhappiness. Perhaps you should do a bit more analysis and write back.
Pass the Caviar,
Professor Yeti
Dear Professor Yeti, Do you ever get tired of answering questions fortnight after fortnight? Some of these people who write in are real idiots, aren’t they? Yours, Derek Jeter, New York Yankees
Dear Derek,
You’re the starting shortstop for the New York Yankees, so you, per year, field more groundballs than I, per year, answer questions for this online magazine. If you include the postseason (though it doesn’t look like you’ll go to the playoffs this year), you play in approximately 170 games every season — and yet I think it would be fairly absurd of me to ask if you get bored fielding ground ball after ground ball or going to the plate (over 600 plate appearances per season!) time after time. You are a baseball player, and you love baseball. Similarly, I am a super genius and I love exhibiting my mental faculties. (And I’d like to point out that while you merely provide people with amusement, I provide them with the advice necessary to live happier, more fulfilling lives.)
Take Me Out To The Ballgame,
Professor Yeti Dear Professor Yeti, Do you ever write haikus? If so, could you grace us with one? Yours, Dan Phosphorous, Phoenix, AZ
Dear Dan,
I would be honored:
Study of sweet birds:
Sparrow darts across the sky.
Professor am I.
I like Chaucer, too,
Professor Yeti
Professor Yeti is a world-famous expert and advice columnist. Please send correspondence to: professoryeti@professoryeti.com.