Professor Yeti

[Editors’ Note: This fortnight the Professor has been sitting as a judge for the World Court as well as going over the galleys for his forthcoming book, The Horse, The Swan and South Africa: An Allegorical Look at a Post-Apartheid State. In a frantic, scurried conversation with him, it appears that in the past fortnight he had only five minutes of free time, during which he selected three letters from the top of the pile and then typed out a response as quickly as possible, foregoing the usual conventions of grammar and politeness, and cutting directly to the chase. Please forgive any offense he may cause, but we, the editors, felt his distilled wisdom was still worth printing in this space.]

Dear Professor Yeti,

I’m thinking of living a twenty-five hour day. I’ve heard about it and I know other people have done it before. (Twenty-five hour day meaning that my sleep cycle is based on twenty-five, not twenty-four hours — it messes up your social life, but it sounds pretty cool.) Do you think I should do it? Do you think I can?

Thomas Borwidth, Savannah, Georgia

Thomas,

Capable, certainly. Wouldn’t you be able? Must need more self confidence if so unsure. Consider psychiatrist. Seriously consider social life if you do do 25 hour exper.

ProfY

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Dear Professor Yeti,

I’m a long-winded windbag, or so some people say. At least I’ve been told as much on twelve — no fourteen — separate occasions, the first occurring during my fifteenth year of age when I would have thought I was way too young to be considered a long-winded windbag (If you consider it, how many teenagers can be conceived as windbags? Certainly none I know of (Aside from myself of course! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!) and that was a distressing, if instructive, sign because, at the time, the person who called me a windbag was twenty-seven years my senior! But, to properly set the . . .

[Sixteen pages of text have been omitted.]

And then there was the ninth of the fourteen times, an odd scenario during which . . .

[Five more pages omitted.]

And finally . . .

[Two more pages omitted.]

Yours, very truly and sincerely, and by the way, best of luck in your future endeavors,

Franklin Gerald Jeromehanem III

PS. And I do mean it: best of luck in all you do.

FGJ III —

Gahh! Deserved! No worries if you’re not worried! Seem very comfy talking.

Pr. Ye.

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Dear Professor Yeti,

I was wondering: Which do you prefer leather or upholstered couches? No need to justify, I just need a simple answer — it’s for a bet I have with my husband.

Thanks,

Julie Rain, Minneapolis, MN

God bless! I like leather!

Yours,

PY

Professor Yeti is a world-famous expert and advice columnist. Please send correspondence to: professoryeti@professoryeti.com.

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