Greed Vs. Gluttony on TV
Of the seven deadly sins, lust gets all the attention, at least when it comes to entertaining the masses. Sex sells, in its myriad forms, from the relatively innocent romantic comedies at the multiplex to the more risque fare of “Sex and the City“ and “Desperate Housewives“ to the more hard-core forms available for purchase in windowless shops on seedy side streets or downloaded from the pornographic — er, “information“ — superhighway of the web. Sloth, on the other hand, doesn’t sell, at least not in the sense of getting ratings. Certain televised events may induce sloth — “Masterpiece Theater“ can lull one to sleep; televised sports can render otherwise active human beings completely immobile, their brains unplugged, their bodies completely still save the occasional gulp of beer or excited thrust of a fist.
Envy, pride and wrath are the root of all reality shows (and lust makes many prominent and extended cameo appearances). In fact, that’s why we tune in to see these voyeurism-as-entertainment concoctions; it’s certainly not for the witty dialogue or cleverly-conceived plot. These amusing, captivating, enthralling, even hypnotic shows entice viewers precisely because they show human socialization at its most dysfunctional, with a diverse assortment of eccentric morons navigating a maelstrom of yelling, lying, and general deadly sinning.
Greed and gluttony would seem to be innately amusing concepts around which to build highly-rated television shows. Watching people make fools of themselves by striving for more, more, more would seem to offer some big laughs and some serious drama. And some public humiliation, which is even more alluring to the average spectator.
Until recently, though, these two sins, at least in their purest forms, were surprisingly absent from our entertainment options.
But that’s starting to change. And greed, it turns out, is selling better than gluttony.
Short of cartoon images of Scrooge McDuck frolicking in his vast piles of money, gleefully tossing burlap sacks filled with 100-dollar bills to and fro, the best way to show pure greed is to broadcast some sort of event in which people try to connive and swindle each other out of millions of dollars, live, in front of the cameras. In short, poker.
On cable television, which is now just as potent a cultural force as the major networks, poker is now the third-most-watched sport (if you can call it a sport, rather than a game). Only football and car racing draw more viewers. ESPN broadcast a substantial portion of this year’s World Series of Poker, and ESPN’s offspring, ESPN2 and ESPN Classic, showed reruns of past World Series of Poker events, as well as interviews with the winners and other participants, in the weeks leading up to this year’s event. In the past two months, the New York Times, The New Yorker and Newsweek have all featured lengthy articles about poker’s sudden surge in popularity in the last few years, from the televised events to online gambling sites to local casinos and basement games. Greed is in.
Gluttony, on the other hand, is not quite the entertainment spectacular that some of its proponents have hoped. Televised gluttony, in the form of eating contests, simply hasn’t caught on yet, in spite of the claims on the International Federation of Competitive Eating’s web site (www.ifoce.com) that theirs is “America’s fastest growing sport.“
Daniel Negreanu, Jennifer Harman and Chris Moneymaker may not be household names, exactly, but these professional poker players are undoubtedly more familiar to Americans than the IFOCE’s top-ranked eaters, Takeru Kobayashi, Sonya Thomas, and Richard LeFevre.
But which is the more impressive achievement, really? Negreanu’s six million dollars in winnings in poker tournaments over the past eight years? Or Kobayashi’s 53 and a half hotdogs, bun and all, in twelve minutes? Personally, the hotdogs pique my attention a whole lot more than the stacks of bills, especially considering Kobayashi’s slender physique — he weighs just 132 pounds, hardly the scale-buster that one would expect from such an accomplished eater. (This is not, it turns out, entirely unusual: Sonya Thomas, the second-ranked eater on the circuit, is a mere 105 pounds, and holds such records as 5.75 pounds of asparagus in ten minutes, 42 dozen oysters in ten minutes, and, most recently, 11.3 pounds of Maine lobster in twelve minutes, an event in which the runner-up consumed just 6.7 pounds.)
Gluttony contests, then, would seem to offer more intrinsic entertainment value than those of greed. In a culture of excess, money becomes only more abstract when there is ever-more of it; we hear about Bill Gates’s incalculable fortune, of the ever-increasing national debt, of stock gains and losses, of sports stars making thousands of dollars for each pass or catch — we’ve become accustomed, even numbed, to the idea of large amounts of cash, way more than we will ever personally acquire.
But hotdogs or lobsters in large quantities? That’s a new concept. Making a million, even in a few hours of betting, just doesn’t seem nearly as impressive as eating almost a pound of lobster a minute for twelve minutes.
Why, then, is poker, a card game, after all, the new big thing, while competitive eating, in spite of its promoters’ claims, is still relegated to the occasional Travel Channel special and the token quirky news story on local TV news?
My guess is that it comes down to this: People can more easily relate to the poker players, and more easily replicate — or attempt to replicate — their feats. Also, let’s face it: competitive eating can be pretty repulsive, even when everything stays down. Enthralling though it may be to see a someone stuff herself with eight pounds of baked beans in less than three minutes (another record held by Sonya Thomas), it is disturbing and disgusting, and not the sort of thing that one really wishes to try at home.
Following the exploits and achievements of competitive eaters requires a bit of morbid curiosity and a strong stomach. Watching professional poker requires a bit of patience (the betting periods can drag on for a while) and not much else. And even this minor barrier — the boredom one — has been overcome, to some degree. In 2003, televised poker events began using tiny cameras concealed in the table to show the viewer the players’ cards, removing some of the suspense and allowing the spectators to know the secrets, the bluffs, before the other players. You’re still watching a card game, but with the additional information, those who know a good hand from a bad one can suddenly enjoy the action — such as it is — much more; most televised events even show the statistical odds that one player will wind up with the best hand, which further clues in the viewer. These changes make it much easier to understand top players’ strategies for betting and bluffing, tips viewers can then use in their own playing.
Greed, in other words, has strategy. And a more widespread appeal — it may be vulgar, but at least it’s not graphically disgusting. There are far more opportunities to commit this sin, as well — you can make money all day, even the most accomplished eater has to take a break now and then. You can apply the face-reading and odd-calculating skills of poker to other aspects of life. But really, what’s to be gained from a balloon stomach and a speedy fork? Not much, as far as I know. Certainly not big television ratings.
Doug Mack (doug@professoryeti.com) has consumed three hotdogs in one sitting.
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