Five People Who You’d Never Guess Did Yoga
- That big fat-ass who always waddles into McDonalds and orders four Big Macs, hold the mayo
- Yogi Berra
- The pizza-delivery boy
- Those three middle-aged chain smokers in the women’s bowling league
- Kid Rock
Five Things That Are Totally Not Classy
- Eating potato chips at the grocery store while waiting in line to pay for them
- Farting
- Taking a smoke break by the loading dock
- Dating someone twice your age
- Tommy Hilfiger apparel
Five Rationalizations
- “I once ate two whole pizzas all by myself.” (As an explanation for why it’s okay to eat two half-pound hamburgers, a malt, and a side of French fries for dinner.)
- “I was really drunk, so it’s not like I meant to do it.” (In justification of having made out with someone else while your significant other was in the same room.)
- “I know lots of people way over their head in debt and this totally isn’t like that.” (In justification of purchasing a brand new, six hundred fifty dollar sofa without having quite enough money to pay for it.)
- “If she didn’t like it, she could have left before I started shouting.” (As an explanation of why it’s not your fault you berated one of your party guests for a full ten minutes, causing her to lock herself in your bathroom and sob uncontrollably for two hours.)
- “Well I ate an apple yesterday, so it’s not like I’m totally unhealthy.” (In justification of eating an entire Toblerone bar in one sitting.)
Five Homographs
- Orange
- Tear
- Sow
- Stick
- Bear
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