Professor Yeti

In the past few weeks, America has watched with keen interest as the Senate Homeland Security committee has grilled various public officials on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Amidst all of the excitement and fanfare that accompany Senate hearings, however, a simple fact has been oft-overlooked: Michael Brown, the former head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, wants me back. I observed his testimony with an eye toward objectivity. After all, as a journalist covering an investigation of the greatest natural disaster in our nation’s history and the equally-disastrous failure of our government to respond, I cannot allow whatever personal relationship I shared with Mr. Brown to cloud my primary mission to cover the story with integrity. It does not help me fulfill that mission when Brownie scratches his nose in that way he sometimes does. Nor does it contribute to the public’s understanding of the magnitude of FEMA’s culture of incompetence when he lightly touches his chin in that sensuous way that recalls our weekend away in the Poconos. When he teasingly wets his lips before answering, with one eye on the C-SPAN feed begging me to take him up on the offer of an apartment key (because, in his words, I was already over there all the time, and not because he wanted a more committed relationship), it demeans the public debate, these hearings, and the passion (if brief) we shared.

Michael, I’m asking you to stop this madness. You’re only hurting yourself, and I think Lieberman may be starting to figure out that something’s up. I’m with Secretary Chertoff now, and if you can’t handle it then maybe that should finally make it obvious to you that it wasn’t meant to be in the first place. It already is to everyone else. Don’t call me.

Michael Barker is realistic about the prospect of the DLC capitalizing on recent Republican gaffes. He lives, writes and improvises in Chicago. Beef with FEMA? Send it down the chute to michael@professoryeti.com.

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 18th, 2006 at 6:45 pm and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.